1 week...and so on...

It's been 1 week since the D&C. I'm not sure how I expected to feel, but I'm feeling pretty good. I miss being pregnant and now I desperately want to be again. I want that big ol' belly and to feel my little one playing the bongos on my organs! I never realized just how much I wanted our little baby. Dont get me wrong, I was estatic to be pregnant and couldnt wait until February, but I think part of me also took the pregnancy foregranted and I personally never, ever thought I would have a miscarriage. I definately have a new perspective and outlook on pregnancy and miscarriage now.

With everything that has gone on this past week, it's really got me thinking about how much I cant wait to finish school!! I want to be a nurse so bad now it's not even funny! I'm going up to school on Monday morning (straight from work!) to talk to a counselor again about my financial aid and I may talk to a counselor about what all I will need for my BSN. If I can knock out some of those courses while I'm waiting to get into the nursing program then I will definately do it!! It's seriously time I got serious about school and finishing my degree!! I've been thinking about how much I would LOVE to be a DR, but with the amount of schooling I probably wouldnt even graduate until I was atleast 35!! I would want to specialize in OB/GYN maybe even MFM. (maternal fetal medicine) But I think I've come to the conclusion that I want to become a CNM, Certified Nurse Midwife. I know there is an online program where they team you up with a midwife in your area to do all of your clinicals with, but I've also been looking in to maybe applying to UF for their program! How cool would it be to do clinicals and work at Shands?! After graduation, I would consider moving back here or maybe the Orlando area and working at Winnie Palmer. (If they use CNM's, not sure about that!) Also, there's been a rumor that maybe Watson Clinic is going to start using CNM's as well, to help relieve some of the patient load from the OB's, especially since Dr B has officially retired. I think it would be awesome to work with them! WOW! Enough about school already!

I cant believe how big Aubrey is getting!! Her vocabulary is rapidly expanding and she's definately got a little bit of a temper! (Ok, more than a little bit!) She loves the words "cookie", "ouch", and now "bubba"! It's so cute watching her run around screaming bubba bubba!! Ben doesnt particularly like it, as he thinks she's calling him a baby! :) I cant believe he is about to start Pre-K! He's getting more and more excited about it! I'm a little worried tho, as we have completely spoiled him rotten so he likes to take advantage of us and pretty much whoever he can. We've been having a few attitude problems and listening problems with him lately, but he is only 4, so some of it's to be expected. Seriously tho, no book in the world can actually prepare you for parenting and how bad you may or may not screw up at times! I guess you live and you learn and pray you all make it through the day alive! :)

The last few days....

This week definately did not start as a good one. We decided that I should go ahead and have the D&C. I called Thursday to set everything up and was extremely surprised when I got a call back saying that I was scheduled for Friday morning at 8a! I was hoping to wait until after the weekend since it's Ben's birthday weekend. I also had to work Thursday night! I ended up getting off at 530a and going and checking in for surgery downstairs. They were running behind or just taking their sweet ol' time, so I didnt get to pre-op until like 645 and they we're already trying to take me to PACU holding! I got to PACU holding around 715 and just hung out there until almost 8 or maybe a little after. Then they wheeled me into the OR, wide AWAKE!! It wasnt as scary as I thought it would be and I was out shortly after that. I was out of the OR around 9 and awake shortly after that. We left the hospital around 11a and I was feeling good, no cramping or pain, just STARVING!! We made it home around 12p after we stopped for food. I went back to bed probably around 1230p and then got up at 230p when the kids came home. I'm still feeling pretty good, just a little crampy here and there. I'm glad it's over with tho. And it wasnt as bad as I expected. I was expecting alot of bleeding and cramping and pain.

Ben's 4th Birthday party was today! He had a blast at Chuck E Cheese! He got so many new toys that we werent sure everything was going fit in the car! Luckily, everything fit! Tim's brother Johnny, got Ben a drum set! Thankfully its an electric one and not very loud! He got tons of Toy Story stuff, a shaving kit, and some pretty cool monster trucks! He also got his Kung Zhu hamster and some battle gear for it and his Pillow Pet frog! They have a ticket blaster there for the birthday kids and I thought he was going to freak out at first, but he LOVED it!! He was having so much fun jumping around and spinning in it! He did get 2 200 ticket vouchers as well!! He ended up with over 700 tickets to cash in! Like he needed more toys! We had a great turn out and I know he had a blast! He passed out in the car on the way home! :) Aubrey even played some games and won 40 tickets (with a little help!) for her to get some prizes! Now I definately think that we are going to have to go through and donate a bunch of stuff just to make room for everything he got today! Tomorrow is his actual birthday so hopefully we can still do something a little fun! I have to work, but maybe we can go out to breakfast or something! Here's a couple pics from the party!!

Here's Ben and Chuck E! And Ben stuffing his face with pizza!!

The worst day of my life, so far....

I went to the DR today to have an ultrasound because I've had some cramping. Our little baby no longer had a heartbeat. I'm absolutely crushed! :( I have a mix of emotions flooding through me right now and I'm a total wreck. This is definately not what I wanted to hear 4 days before Ben's birthday. I hope and pray that we can get through this and one day hold our 3rd little baby in our arms...

It's just one of those days...

Today has just been one of those days! It's barely even 1/2 over and I already cant wait for bedtime!! 2 crabby kids plus one stressed out, ticked off mom is not a good combo! I'm a little frustrated with school right now! (Ok, more than a little!!) My financial aid paperwork seems NEVERENDING!! I've filled out everything they told me to and turned everything in, met with the counselors and they told me I was good to go! Umm...yea right! I get an email from them saying that I'm missing some paperwork. Mind you, this is paperwork I've already filled out (with their help!) and turned in and now I have to do it all over! Grrr....school is driving me MAD!! I just want to finish my degree and be done with it!

On a happy note, we are already 1/2 way through July! This year is FLYING by! I'm excited for Ben's party in 2 weeks, but a little disappointed at the fact that a good friend hasnt RSVP'd or anything yet. :( I hope we have a decent turn out still tho so he wont be disappointed.

My next OB appt is Aug 4th and I'm excited but nervous as well!! I'm hoping that he does another u/s so we can get a better pic of our little nugget! And I'm very anxious to find out if we're having another boy or girl!

We have a heartbeat!!!

Yesterday, July 8th, 2010, was my first OB appt!! We got to see our little bean and the heartbeat!! The heartbeat was very strong at 186 bpm!! Dr. G said everything looked great and our little bean was right on target! He did change my due date to 2.12.11 from what I calculated at 2.8.11, bc he's going on a 28 day cycle instead of my 24 day cycle. But he said we can always re-evaluate later! I'm definately ready for the next appt and I hope we get to do another u/s to see how much bigger the baby is! We go back on August 5th! I cant wait!! I am really excited to find out the sex of the baby and start decorating!! I've already picked out bedding for either a boy or girl and a carseat for a boy! (we will reuse Aubrey's pink carseat for a girl!)

I'm definately looking forward to getting out of the 1st trimester!! The morning sickness, constant tiredness, and mood swings really suck! I cant believe we're already almost 1/2 way through July!! This year is flying by!!

Ben will be 4 in just 16 days! I cant believe it's already been 4 years since my little man was born! It just doesnt seem at all possible! He's growing up so fast and he's starting Pre-K in August!! I'm so ready to start school shopping for him and letting him pick out his backpack and school stuff!

Aubrey had her 15 month well check up on Tuesday and all is good!! She's still petite at 21lbs 3.5oz, but she's 30in tall and has a big ol' noggin!! (just like her brother!) She's getting so big and she's learning new things everyday! I cant believe how well she listens! I hope it sticks! :)

Tim could possibly transfered up to either Pennsylvania or New Jersey with his job. I'm kind of nervous about this! We want to move eventually and I think it will be an exciting adventure, but I'm super nervous at the thought of moving away from everyone while I'm pregnant! And it means having to find a new job for me and get new insurance, plus re-enroll in school somewhere and find somewhere else to live! It's a little overwhelming, but I know everything is going to work out for the best!

My camera is broke so I cant really take any pics unless they are on my phone, so here is a pic of my belly at 8w3d!